Friday, April 29, 2011

Fantasy vs Reality

The fantasy:
I wake up in a clean, quiet room that looks like it just got done with a photo shoot for House and Garden. I spryly bound out of bed, run a brush thru my hair, splash a little water on my face and look like I just got done with a photo shoot for Sport Illustrated. I slip on my size 0, top of the line, matching workout clothes and float out of the room. My children are sitting, dressed, fed, and shod on the couch with their hands busy playing a friendly game of chess, discussing the latest world politics. The kids pile up in the jogging stroller and we make our blissful way to their school. As we get there, we are the envy of all the moms and kids.  I kiss the kids goodbye and make MY blissful way to Starbucks, where the coffee is cheap and the calories don't exist. But, if they did, it wouldn't matter to my size 0 butt.

The reality:
I wake up when a butt lands on my face and shocks me awake in a room that looks like it just got done with a photo shoot for a National Geographic piece on natural disasters that hit the homes of hoarders. I fall out of bed and limp to the bathroom because my back hurts from sleeping around 2 kids who crept like ninjas in to my room in the middle of the night. I splash a little water on the mirror to blur the vision I see in it and look like I just got done with a photo shoot for Celebrity Stalker- What They REALLY Look Like!. I slip on my (we are not discussing sizes here) pants, shoes, and whatever shirt is closest and trip out of the room. My children are shrieking at each other at the top of their lungs, arguing about what color Audrey's pants are. The kids pile up into the jogging stroller, after I knock off a couple of spiders and pry the cat off of it, and we make our breathless way to their school. As we get there, I realize that I have sweat stains the size of dinner plates under my arms and my hair is plastered to my head, soaking wet. I am the envy of the moms there as they look at me and say to each other, "I really wish I could bring myself to leave the house like that.... How liberating it must be... Although, she IS quite pungent...".

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

A milestone....

Today, during Cardio X (after running 1.5mi this morning, btw!), during the yoga warm up series, you are supposed to do push ups in between some of the moves. I had gradually worked my way from skipping those, to doing some of them on my knees, to doing almost all of them on my knees, and tonight, I did them all the REAL way, no girly push ups. :D That was huge for me and it felt great. By great I of course mean tantamount to having both my arms and abdominal muscles ripped at by rabid wildebeests, but you get my point.

On a side note, as some of you may have heard me mention, we recently got a little bunny. I think Danny figured it would be cheaper than having another baby and less messy that me having a bunch of dogs running around the house... Or, he could just be super sweet and knew that the kids and I would love him. If he is, in fact, a him... Either way, his/her name is Vader (as in Darth) and he/she is a chocolate brown little ball of fur. The co-worker who gave him to Danny raises them for FOOD and so, young as he is, he hasn't had a lot of personal contact, so he's still a bit freaked out, but I am working with him diligently and I hope to soon buy him a little harness (yes, I saw one in the Pet Supermarket and I WILL be getting one- color dependent upon what sex the vet declares) and have a super cool, awesome bunny. He's half way there- I mean, Vader? How can this go wrong...? .............Hey, what was that ominous music...?

Monday, April 18, 2011

Sh*t my kids say, Part 2.

"Captain American doesn't have a gun, so he can't be the Line Leader. He will be the Door Holder."

"Mom, can you go to work? I want to play Marvel Ultimate Alliance."

"Because I did." - Audrey's response to my question as to why she dumped a cup of water on the cat

"I can't go outside and play. My batteries are dead."

"But I can't go to bed; Iron Man needs me!" - (btw, this was Audrey, not Bishop)

"I went to time out because... MOM! LOOK! A SQUIRREL!" - seriously.

"Mom, Dad kicked your butt." (Stupid Words With Friends game. Every time they see me play it, they tell me.)

She's baaaaaaack....

I have been absent for too long, for my own sake. It is so much easier to say, "Eh. I did enough today." when I am not posting on here what strives towards fitness I have made for the day. I have been adding a morning run that clocks in at about 2 miles to my daily dose of endorphins and it is currently kicking my ass. I'm sore and a little tired, but that fresh air in the morning is hard to beat and my reward this morning was getting to see the full moon set over the trees. People probably thought I was a Peeping Tammy, but whatever. This is one of the joys of not knowing your neighbors. Tonight's work out was Shoulders and Arms and it went really well. I love the difference I can feel in my strength and see in my arms. My back is currently a bit tweaked and I haven't had time to go to my chiropractor, so instead of doing Ab Ripper X like I was supposed to, I did a series of plank holds, going from holding myself up on my hands to holding myself up on my forearms. Working those core muscles will help me keep from hurting my back this way in the future. I have added on an extra week to my 90 days to make up for the week I took off/only ran every couple of days, but I will still be done before my birthday. While I was hoping to have some huge, dramatic change in store for ringing in the big 3-2, I think the biggest change is my commitment to my own fitness and getting in better shape every day, while still living the one life I have and enjoying the good tasting stuff that comes along with it. I will still be continuing the process even after the 90 days is up, and my new goal will be to have spent the entire summer wearing shorts. :)

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Back in the saddle again...

After a week off doing Disney and staying out at the lake, I am back into the swing of things with my workout. I did a little running and a lot of walking, but I took a week off from my normal program. Now that I'm back, I'm kicking things up a notch and adding a 2 mile run to the mix in the morning. Hopefully that will be the boost I need to shed the fat that is sticking around. I am, once again, on my phone, so this is short, but I am still here, I'm still kicking, and while I have added an extra week on to my timeline to make up, I am still on track. :)

Monday, March 28, 2011

DNA Removal

I can't sit on my furniture currently, so the post is being written on the floor of my living room. I am literally too sweaty to sit on my couch. My current concern, however, is that I will not be able to get back up OFF said floor. Tony Horton calls this "DNA Removal". You don't just get a little "moist" doing Kenpo- you get damn near soaked from head to toe! I am having to ice my knee, so a shower will have to wait and I figured, what better to do than to write a severly overdue blog. This weekend amongst my fun I decided to give running a shot because it has been a while and I wanted to see how my improved leg muscles helped my ability to run. I did 2 miles, running 30 or 60 second intervals, and was able to do the whole thing with minimal discomfort. THAT day, anyways... My legs were barely on speaking terms with me yesterday and were still giving me the cold shoulder today. Last night was Core Synergistics and was not as harsh as it has been in the past, but towards the end, my core was getting a little week and I had to really watch myself so I didn't tweak my back. Today, about 15 minutes in to Kenpo, my right knee started to hurt pretty bad and I almost stopped the workout. SEVERAL times. But, every time I almost did, I thought about how I'd have to say so on here and I kept going. I made sure to modify enough that I could finish and not so much that something else suffered. It was nice to "feel" my body enough to know how to do that and even better to see that clock tick all the way down. :)

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Tonight's Motivation

Tonight's re-energized need to "bring it" was brought to me in part tonight by my.... drum roll.... NEW HAIR CUT! :D As my reward to myself for making it half way thru P90X, I decided that I would get the hair cut I have been wanting for YEARS. I called today to make an appointment and she had an opening this afternoon, so I paced around the office for over an hour, full of nervous energy. Usually when you are about to do something drastic with your hair, you have time to adjust yourself to it, but since all the signs pointed to me doing it today, I went with it. I loved it and then hated it for about 5 minutes, then took a shower and washed out all the styling products and re-did it myself and loved it again! :) I almost wish I had gone dark with it, because if I had, it would be the perfect Audrey Hepburn pixie cut. But, the very few blond highlights I had put in make it the perfect spring/summer do for me. As for my workout, tonight was Legs & Back and I really kicked it's ass. Out of all of the changes I have found from this program, the strength of my legs now is pretty amazing to me. I may have, in my youth, had slight areas of firmness after a lot of activity, but now my quads and my calves are rock solid all the time. Now, if it would just conquer the inner thigh, I'd be one happy girl... ;) I wore a shirt today that didn't close all the way when I bought it, so that was awesome. And I wore pants that I bought from American Eagle almost 10 years ago, so that was pretty cool, too. I'm am totally stoked with my new attitude and my new commitment to finishing and kicking ass and changing my body for good. Lol, and while my chiropractic adjustments cost $40, my attitude adjustment cost twice that. :D

Monday, March 21, 2011


This is going to be a short post because I am doing it on my phone, but I wanted to share that I am HALF WAY DONE with P90X!!!! Day 45 is done! I can assure you all that I fought heavily with myself because after the day I had, I did NOT want to work out. But, I did and I am happy to say I kicked it's ass. :D I love that I can do way more reps than I did before, but still have a ways to go. Lol, 45 more "ways to go", to start with. I have also switched to the Lean version because even though I have gained a lot of muscle, I still need more cardio to get rid of some flab. :) Anyways, half way thru, totally stoked, ready to keep going!!!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Battle of Wills

Tonight, my inner lazy-ass and my inner i-don't-want-to-be-a-lazy-ass got into an enormous fight. It was an epic battle, a clash of their wills.
My inner lazy-ass said, "Dammit, I have been slammed all week at work, haven't even had time to come home for lunch, I chased the kids around, played with them, and bathed them. Now I want MY time to lay on the couch and watch something mindless."
In response to that, my inner I-don't-want-to-be-a-lazy-ass said, "Listen, I get it. I was there too! I was right there with you last night while Audrey was awake coughing. I was right there with you while you spent all day in front of your computer moving 100mph. I get it. But I want to stop averting my eyes when I walk in front of a mirror, pretending I didn't see what I knew was in there... I want to wear shorts and tank tops and feel comfortable and not like everyone around me is wondering what possessed me to leave the house in that. I want to get in shape!"
So, on went Kenpo X and out came the beads of sweat and the shortness of breath and the inner lazy-ass got quiet. For 10 minutes. The two of them went back and forth and back and forth and looked at the time remaining on the work out and said, "We could stop now!" and "There is only 15 minutes left; we have to keep going!". The inner I-don't-want-to-be-a-lazy-ass won because the real me would have been so disappointed in myself that it wouldn't have been the visible cellulite and flab that made me not want to look in the mirror.
While I did tweak my back a bit (got fatigued and stopped keeping my core tight) and had to modify a little bit, I still completed the entire workout and that puts me one day closer to being done. I am feeling major results in my muscles. My legs (minus the inner thigh that seems to remain just in case I get lost in a blizzard and need some extra fat) are solid, I mean, suuuuuuper firm... My arms have toned up a lot and both my triceps and biceps have come a long way. My chest and back are noticeably changing and I can feel some major improvements in my core and buns. It is so disheartening to me that my stomach (and I am sorry for the TMI here, but...) is so stretched out from having kids and gaining so much weight that it folds over. This is not anything that is going to tighten up and go away. This stuff is here to stay until I can afford a tummy tuck and I hate it because I would be able to do so much more if this stuff wasn't there! So, until that gets taken care of, I am never going to be as excited about my progress as I would like to be, but I am still going strong and I am still going to finish this thing up. :) Monday, I will be on day 45... Half way thru P90X! :D

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Inner Monologue

My inner monologue went like this tonight:

"I'm tired. I sooooo don't want to work out. Crap, where are my shoes. Dammit, I found them. SIGH! Okay, yeah yeah yeah, Tony, take your tip of the day and insert it in a highly private place. I did 10 minutes and I am really not wanting to do this; I think I will stop. Crap, why didn't I stop BEFORE the "Mary Katherine's"? Danny's right, that skinny dude in the back needs to be shoved up the same place that Tony's tip of the day went... If you stop, Anne, you will have to tell EVERYONE that you wussed out and stopped and were totally sorry. Well... Truly, I mean, maybe this will be one that no one reads... You have been pretty lax lately with posting. Maybe no one cares any more. Yeah, well, I CARE ANY MORE! I'm not going to be sitting here, 48 days from now, WISHING I had finished this. Yeah, I wish I could see more dramatic results, but hell, I didn't get my body into this condition in 40 something days, so why should it be magically transformed in 40 something days? I'm on the right path, I just need to keep pushing for that next milestone. Oh, thank the good Lord, it's time to cool down!"

I pushed through when the only thing I wanted to do was stay in my jammies and watch "That 70's Sow" from the comfort of my bed. I am feeling bogged down. I feel like my gung-ho attitude about doing this program just fell off completely. I attribute some of it to the fact that I still feel like crap. Stuffy, coughing, etc. I know it is probably taking me longer to get over my cold because my body is still trying to repair all the damage I am doing by working out, but logic doesn't yell as loud as the voice in my head telling me that the couch might float away if I don't plant my butt on it. I am finding solace in the fact that I am still putting one foot in front of the other and then jumping it back and then front and then back and then front.... Damn Mary Katherine lunges.....

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Sidelined, but not derailed

The first work out into my 5th week of P90X and I thought I was in the clear, "Pff, if nothing has happened to me yet, nothing is GOING to happen to me!". But, what did happen to me was a double whammy, combo punch in the form of allergies/cold/my head is going to explode and a horribly pulled muscle (or whatever connective tissue it is) that runs from my neck to in the inside of my collar bone. I spent Sunday and the better part of Monday wadded up in a tight little ball of pain, clutching my left arm into my chest like I had on an invisible sling. Then, yesterday afternoon, I went to see my fantastically magically wonderful chiropractor and she pushed and pulled and tested and retested and adjusted and readjusted until she was sure I was all lined back up and then forbade me from working out. And she is strong, so I listened to her. :) So last night, feeling very sorry for myself that I had missed out on TWO workouts in a row, when I have only missed ONE since the day I started, I crawled into bed. My energy was all off because I hadn't had my endorphin rush for two whole days! So thiiiiiiis is what it is like to be addicted to something! :) This morning I still felt like crap (but was no longer sore in my neck/collarbone/shoulder) and even lost my voice when I got home. Since my head was so stuffy, instead of doing Yoga X, which was my workout tonight, I subbed out for Core Synergistics which I knew would give me some cardio and work my whole body. I did the whole thing and finished strong, albeit hacking a little bit, so I feel better having finally done something. Two days of not working out a month ago would have been NORMAL. I would have felt so flipping virtuous because I had worked out at ALL and would have laid on my butt and eaten some ice cream as a reward. Instead, after 4 weeks of dedicating myself to this program, I was pining to get up and sweat! So, the point of my rambling is that while I was benched for a couple of days, I am not giving up and I am back in the game, ready to kick some ass. To paraphrase from one of my favorite movies: "Wounds heal, (dudes) dig scars, glory is forever."

Saturday, March 5, 2011

*insert witty title here*

Greetings and salutations from my Saturday. Today marks the start of my second phase of P90X. Today's work out was brought to me in part by a collaborative agreement between Satan and Justin Bieber. I mean, I can only assume such horror could be put together by those combined forces of evil. It began with the slow and painful torture known as the push up, but just in case a regular push up isn't hard enough, this one made you go from a plank position down to the floor in a slow, four count move, only to come back up at the same pace. That should have been my indication as to how the rest of it was going to go... Truly, it sucked, but I can see how helpful it will be in the change of my arms, chest, and back. Ab Ripper X, also known as "WTF?! Have you lost your MIND?!", went pretty well and I found myself actually doing the moves with the right form and that helped me really feel what they do to each area of my abdominal muscles and core. My recovery week was pretty awesome and my rest day (yesterday) was even better, but now it is back to the grind, and I have to say, I'm pretty stoked. :D

Monday, February 28, 2011

Well, there went $40....

Kenpo cost me $40. That's how much I had to pay my chiropractor this afternoon and she fixed me up and I felt great! It was fantastic to work out (for about 30 minutes) with no crunching or twinging. Then, well, then came back kicks and apparently that was a dumb thing for me to do right after having been adjusted, so now my lower back/hip is out of whack again and I am going to have to go back to see Dr. Bevis again soon. Which I don't mind too much because she is awesome, but still for $40 I would have liked to have felt better for longer. :) As I mentioned, Kenpo was tonight's poison of choice, and it went much better than last time, considering that it didn't make me blow chunks this time. That is ALWAYS a bonus. :D

On another note, I am going to buy a "wildlife" camera. One of those things that is activated when an animal steps in front of it to (innocently) eat some corn that some thoughtful person has strewn out on the ground for them. *Side note, why would a deer or something come loping along thru the woods and see some dried corn lying there, dozens of miles from the closest Feed 'n' Seed, and think, "Oo. Goodie! I shall partake of this yummy, tasty treat!" Didn't their mothers ever teach them not to eat things left behind by strangers?!*
Anyways, I am going to put up a camera because I want to exactly what villainous woodland creature is setting my dogs off on their maniacal baking fits. Audrey thinks it is a bear. But, she also thinks that motorcycles zooming past us in traffic are bears, too. She has an active imagination, that one. Bishop makes sure to sling extra webs at the woods just in case it is something he, as Spiderman, can keep at bay. Me? I just have these visions of a deer or a turkey "mooning" the dogs and taunting them with their tasty hindquarters. In actuality, it is probably the most dangerous, most fiendish, most gruesome...(pause for dramatic effect) branch laying on the ground. And the dogs think it is a bear...

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Core (it ought to be a) Syn...

Core Synergystics- keeping chiropractors in business since... well, whenever it was invented...
Actually, I enjoyed this work out for the most part, but just like any time I do one of the work outs for the first time, there is a lot of "you want me to do WHAT?!" involved. My core is the weakest part of my body after two c-sections and well, to be honest, minimal ab work (and lots of cheesecake) for a long time. Can't just blame it on the kiddos like I can with most everything else. ;) I can see how it will become one that I enjoy more than, say, anesthesia-less knee surgery. I appreciated the way Tony was constantly reminding you to think while doing the moves and keep your core muscles engaged. When I get tired I have a tendency to let that stuff lapse and that is how you wind up with a hurt back. Which, mine already hurts, so I was even more conscientious about it. I am going to my chiropractor tomorrow because I don't want it to get any worse, but I am afraid she is going to kick my ass for doing this program. And she can do it, too, because HER back doesn't hurt! :)
On a proud "me" note, I was able to do these push ups in the routine that there is NO WAY I would have been able to do even 2 weeks ago, so it was really awesome to go "Holy crap! I just did that!!" :) That is what keeps you coming back for more- that realization that your body changed and was able to do something it wasn't able to do before. It makes you anticipate the next change even more. So, two work outs into Week 4 (yesterday was Yoga X) and I'm feelin' good.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Sh*t my kids say...

"But Mom, I can't eat my pancakes. They do NOT like me and it makes me sad."

"Mom, if your iPod hadn't fallen in the potty, what games would it have on it?"

"Yeah, that is a barn. Like, when a baby is barn."

"Spiderman is red and blue with webs." - Bishop's answer when asked why he had hit his sister

"Audrey, you have to say it right! You are not listening to me. Say it right, please!"
"Oh, FINE: Spiderman, let down your weeeeeeeeeeb..." - secret password phrase to get into the play house

"Cayne, you are my BEST dog EVER. Sorry Coors."

"Here, this is for you." - said by Audrey while handing me something from her nose

"Boys have a penis. Girls have a pajama."

"Mom, our family is really big: you and me and Bishop and Dad, and.... my blanket!"

"Because I didn't hit my brudder hard enough." - Audrey's answer when asked if she knew why she was in T/O

"Spiderman." - Bishop's answer to the question when asked at school what he was grateful for

"I can't; I'm too, too busy and so sad." - Audrey's reason for why she can't get in the bath tub

I'm still here and I'm still "bringing it"!

Today I start, drum roll please...., WEEK NUMBER FOUR OF P90X!!! (dull roar of crowd cheering in the background) Wooohooooo!!!! This means that with the exception of missing Valentine's Day and Thursday's work out that I had to do yesterday (on my rest day), I have 22 days under my belt! I am seeing differences already and I am looking forward to the changes to come. I am finding myself pushing harder and working for more and that proves to me that I am committed! (Or, that I need to BE committed... ;)  )
Last night was Kenpo X. After having had a little less than 5 hours sleep the night before, starting at 10pm, and not having a really good dinner (Cripser's Polynesian Crap Stack gets a big ol' thumbs down), I could tell that it was going to be a rough work out 10 minutes in. But I still pushed through and did my best until about the last 7 minutes and then my stomach was like, "Yeah. Um. You are done.". I couldn't even cool down, just needed to throw up and shower and then laid down and I don't think I got back up until this morning. :) This is not indicative of how I usually feel during the work outs, so to any of you thinking of starting the program, it's not the "norm" that you barf and pass out, I swear. It just goes to show you how you really need to take in calories to have the energy to do this and that they need to be the right kind of fuel.
Tonight is Yoga X and I am going to try to get Danny to do it with me because you know what they say, "The family that pains together stays together"! :)

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Week 3 coming to a close...

Yay! 2 more days until my rest day and that puts Week 3 in the books and I will start my next "routine". So stoked!!! Tonight was Yoga X and while I find it really difficult maintain a constant balance because of the carpet, I still was able to do more of the difficult stuff than the last time and even attempted (but failed miserably) the Crane Pose, which is where you squat down like a frog and put your knees on top of your arms and just kind of sit there, all your body weight balanced on your hands, waiting for natural selection to take effect. Night before last was Shoulders and Arms and that one went really, really well. I can already see a difference in my arm and it just makes me more pumped to keep going and seeing more difference everywhere. :) Tomorrow is my most dreaded day- Legs and Back. But, no matter how much I hate them, with God (and you guys) as my witness(es), I'll never wear jeans all summer again!!!! :D Lol, bring on the spray tan, cause these legs is pasty-white! ;)

Sunday, February 20, 2011


Well, the salmon I had for dinner was better going down than coming up, thanks to Plyometrics. I half-assed the last 20 minutes so it didn't happen again, but I still finished it. I'm on my third week now and still going strong. Yesterday was Chest and Back and, thanks to Danny, I got the bands set up so that the pull up sections were more challenging. I have increasing ability to do more reps on the push ups, but they are still being done on my knees. I can already see a difference around my collarbone and in my arms (though I am SUPER ready to see the difference in my mid section and thighs). Today was, as I mentioned, Plyometrics, which really sucked. I felt crummy all day- too little sleep, a pulled muscle in my neck, too freaking much pollen inhalation, sore muscles from last night's work out... So I didn't go into the workout with a great "gung ho" attitude. It was more like a "go eff yourself, Tony" attitude. On the plus side, however, I started it early while the kids were playing in their rooms. Eventually they were drawn to the sound of me arguing with someone and came out to investigate. Bishop jumped right in, literally, and started doing the moves right along with me. Audrey, the smart kid that she is, took one look at the screen and the peculiar shade of red my face had become and said, "I will watch." and plopped herself in a chair. Fortunately they had wandered back out of the room when dinner decided to make it's vengeful return. I say fortunately because they think me throwing up is the funniest thing in the world. It's not that they are mean or anything, but they think the noise is hilarious. It ranks right up there with watching me put on tights, which is the only other thing that I do that makes them noiseless with laughter. Anyways, Week 3 is under way and I'm still standing. Well, sitting, clutching my sides, and breathing like a steam engine, but you get the point....

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Wowza, that hurts!!

Okay, this is a little diminished by the fact that I missed Arms & Shoulders on Monday due to Valentine's Day, but WEEK TWO IS DONE!!! WOOHOO!!!! Tomorrow is my rest day and then back at it on Saturday!!!
I have been pretty boring on my accountability reports here and I'm sorry for that, but all I am currently channeling all my extra energy to my muscles for repair, even the creative and wordy ones. :) My legs were still super tired from Legs & Back last night, so Kenpo X was a little tougher than it was last time. Actually, all the work outs are harder this second time around because nothing has fully recovered yet, but apparently that is the beauty (horror) of P90X. There were a couple of times during the routine where I was like, eh, I could just stop now, I did 35 minutes of it... I did 40 minutes of it, I could stop now... And then I realized that nothing I've ever done before worked because I allowed myself to be weak. So, this time I dug down, pushed harder, cussed A LOT, and got thru it, and I feel better for having done it. :) I want to get thru this to the other side and say, "Holy crap, I DID THAT, so I know anyone can!". So, two weeks down, many many more to go, but still holding on to it!!

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

The Kids Are Alright. :)

Readers of my blog, REJOICE! A non-workout related entry, woohoo!!! :) Instead, it centers around the only other thing I talk about: my kids.
 This morning I woke up to both of them in my bed, snuggled up together next to me like little angels. I silently crept into the bathroom and showered and silently opened the door back up... to find them jumping on the bed like monkeys with a death wish. I tried to close the door and re-open the "time/space continuum" to get back to where they were before, but alas...
This whole evening they have been playing so wonderfully together, using their imaginations, flashing back and forth between pretending to be characters at the speed only achieved by a child's mind. They have been Rainbow Bright, Spiderman, Venom, Tinkerbell, Wolverine, Carnage, Black Cat, Sarah, Scarlett, Starlight, the kids from the tv show Avatar, and their own crazy selves.
Earlier when I was cooking dinner, Audrey went to the bathroom. After she is done, she always yells, "Mooooom, I'm all DONE!". sInce I was busy and since she forgot to get toilet paper BEFORE she sat down, I asked Bishop to hand her some, which he did. A few minutes ago she went again and instead of yelling to me, she went, " Biiiiiiishop, I'm all DONE!"... I might never have to wipe another booty again! This having kids thing is HANDY!

Tuesday, February 15, 2011


Alright. I have to confess that I did NOT do my work out yesterday. Valentine's Day festivities took precedence over my work out. And while I am a little bit disappointed in myself for that, I had a great time and I enjoyed myself immensely. I have been feeling like crap all day with a sore throat and achy joints and I've been really tired and had to seriously KICK MYSELF into doing Yoga X tonight. I didn't push myself as hard as I would have normally, but I still did 90 minutes of yoga when all I wanted to do was crash into my bed. Which I am now going to do. Lol, bring it bed!

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Oh, I have not quit, fear not!!

Friday was my rest day, thank the good Lord! After work the kids and I packed up and went out to Lake Santa Fe to my sister's house to spend time with the family while Danny painted. Bishop and Audrey had a blast playing with their cousin Alex and we grown ups had a blast giving each other hell while playing Trivial Pursuit. I was up too late and drank a little too much wine, got not the greatest sleep with both kids attacking me, and got up too early, but I still kicked my nephew Brad out of his house next door, and started this first cycle of these work outs again- Chest and Back. Instead of using the pull up bar (which he has coming right out of the ceiling in his living room, btw), I felt that it would be more beneficial to me to use the bands for simulating the same movements. It worked a lot better and I was able to do more with good form, etc. Then, today was plyometrics again, (which, if I haven't told you lately, Plyo, I hate your f-ing GUTS,) and I was struggling a little more this time around than I was the first time, but, at that time, I was still young and naive and in (relative) control of my faculties. I think that my body is just going, "Hey, hey, hey! We thought this was a ONE TIME DEAL! You were supposed to crap out after the first week like you always do. What's up with this??!!" But, you know what body? It's for your own damn good. :D

On a non-fitness related note (alright, seriously, that was one too many "thank God!"'s people!), I would like to give a little, mushy shout out to my main squeeze/best friend/beat of my heart/beginning and end: thank you for working so hard this weekend and for every thing that you do and for every day you spend with me. I love you, Danny; all my heart.

I'm lacking a bit of my usual "joie de vivre". I'm feeling awfully maudlin tonight, beleaguered by the loss of lives I have seen around me lately, all hovering just on the outskirts of my own blessed life and those of the people I love, and each one has broken a piece of my heart. Each one has made me put aside my pride and love more openly. Each one has made every single second I have with my children all the more precious. Each one has chipped away at my ability to take things for granted. Let no kiss go un-smooched. Let no hug go un-squeezed.

Alright, that is it for me tonight. I hope to be back tomorrow, pithy and humorous and brimming with loath for Yoga X.

Thursday, February 10, 2011


I was hoping to have some witty, acerbic, snarky comments about Kenpo X, but you know what? I LIKED IT! (I know, I know, the endorphins or something must have kicked in. Or someone spiked my protein powder.) Other than being an ass kicker, it kicked ass! I mean, yes, in parts I looked like a marionette being handled by an epileptic, but it felt really good to just kick and punch and breathe. I seriously need hard floors for balance and my knee was none too pleased with the X jumps (you basically just jump up in the air and make your body an X. Think standard diving board dismount when you were a kid), but all in all I was able to control my movements and not flail about, hurting my joints. Joints, which are about the only thing on me that does not currently hurt. I'm still sore from the first day and now I have one day of rest (or X Stretch) and then the whole cycle starts over and I do that for 2 more weeks. I have bitched and moaned and complained, but I got up and DID IT!  I wanted to do nothing but lay on the couch after the kids went to bed and watch tv or go to bed early, and before I started this program, I would have done just that, feeling all virtuous that I had at least worked out the days preceding. But, not only I have committed publicly to following through with this, I have committed to myself that I want to change my body and be in the best shape I can be in. I'm not going to make grand plans to run marathons or be a manic gym bunny, but I do plan to feel good and be healthy and set a good example for my kids, because that's what I want for them, too. I set my first goal the other day. At 45 days, the half way point, I am going to get a full fledged, no-holds-barred hair color and style and not a day before. As for my second goal- the 90 day will be up 11 days before my 32nd birthday and I will just have to think of something fantastic to do for that. :) Like, a two hour long massage on the beach or something. Anyways, that is Week One in the bag and I'm still standing (albeit with a LOT of groaning).

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Be afraid... be VERY afraid...

You can't tell from reading this, but I am whispering. I am afraid if that workout heard me talking bad about it, it would go find several of it's burliest friends and come back and stomp (whatever is left of) my a**. So, turn the volume up if you can't hear me and listen to my newest and greatest enemy. It is called...*looks over shoulder*... Legs and Back... SHHHHH!!!! Holy mother of destroyed ability to walk! Don't take that one for granted, kids! I had to scoot over here to the computer on my butt and apparently Bishop didn't pick up all his superheroes, because Captain America and I became QUITE intimate... Legs and Back (a.k.a. Fire and Brimstone) consists of an hour of chin up/pull ups and various lunges/squats of epic proportions. My right knee was giving me some concern, so I had to modify the exercises in order to keep from doing any harm. I am finding myself to be stronger in my left leg, but more flexible in my right, which is something I understand to be pretty common, but I am hoping that my right and left leg don't develop some sort of "sibling rivalry" and start lashing out at each other... I'm clumsy enough as it is. Added on to the end of... *glances under table*... Legs and Back, was the every horrifying Ab Ripper X. This is the 3rd time I've done it this week and while my legs were wasted and thus  making it harder on some of the moves, I found that I was able to do markedly better. There's Day 5 down, only 85 more to go. Crap. Now I'm depressed...

Anyways, on a kid related note, I was getting Audrey in her jammies and I over heard Bishop talking out in the living room, and when I asked him what he said, he told me: "I pledge leegance to de flag of de United Spates of Amerdica and to de Republix for which dit stands, one nation, under God, wit biberty and dustice for all"
<3!!!! I was so freaking proud, I wanted to go grab a flag and just wave it around while humming America The Beautiful!! That boy is a SPONGE! And, at this point, probably has it better memorized than Christina Aguillera!

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Ow-ga. I mean, Yoga...

Ohhhhhmmmmm.... Ohhhhhhmmmmm... OhhhMG!! The only thing going through my head during the Yoga X work out (besides massive amounts of rushing blood) was my chiropractor's voice going, "What the HELL are you doing??!!".
For those of you who haven't done this work out (or have but have forgotten all about it thanks to extensive psychotherapy), it is 90 minutes long. In a normal (read: sane) person's life, that is about the length of a movie. That you sit down during. And eat popcorn. And maybe fold a couple loads of laundry. This was an hour and a half of "stand on one leg, put the other leg straight up in the air, bend your torso through your legs, and now attempt to kiss your own ass". Well, it felt like that anyways. As it was, I really was able to handle most of it except the super bendy, twisty, stand on your head things. The second half was more balance poses and if I needed more motivation to get wood floors, that would be it. Its terribly difficult to retain your balance successfully when you are standing on high pile carpet, albeit on a yoga mat. I also learned that it is terribly difficult to retain a bridge or table pose when your cat seems to think that the space vacated by your suspended ass is just the coziest place she could lay down in the entire house. She's a little flatter, I'm a little scratched, but we are both the wiser for it.

Monday, February 7, 2011

A Farewell To (my) Arms

Please forgive the typos, as I am currently typing this with my nose. My arms are dangling uselessly by my side. Or, at least, I think that they are. That's where I last saw them. I am concerned that while I sleep tonight they will re-enervate and commence to  beating me senseless. I mean, it would only be fair and I wouldn't begrudge them too much.

Tonight was Arms & Shoulders with a side order of Ab Ripper X. Yeah. Like my arms needed more cause to hate me. As it was today, I had a brief panic attack when I got stuck in the bathroom at work because I was not actually aware how HEAVY the door was. (No more going in there without my cell phone to text for help!) For that matter, who the hell is in charge of making pens, because HOLY SH*T those things are weighty!! I started out this morning, trying to get out of bed to get the alarm turned off before it woke anyone, but that entailed pulling myself out of my bed using both my arms and my abs, so, needless to say, by the time I was up, so was everyone else.

I am looking forward to the day when I am not quite so wrapped up in my physical pain and might actually be able to write about something else. Like, say, Bishop and Audrey getting baths last night and Audrey heckling Bishop, "Bishop!! Haha, you have a peeeeenis! A peeeeeenis, haha!!" and Bishop responding with, "Oh yeah? Well you have a PAJAMA! Ha HA!". Audrey looked at him and said, "No, I have a booty and a booty-butt!"  I think it is officially time for separate baths. And a pronunciation lesson.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

No. Really. OUCH!

I sit here before the computer sipping a  little "post work out" recovery drink concoction and it gave me an idea for protein powder that contains Novocaine that can be dispersed thru the whole body... Or, even better, powdered muscle relaxers... But they will only work if you use vodka as the liquid in the mixture...*sigh... Enough dreaming.

Day 2 of P90X went better than I expected; I only had to modify a little bit (but I made up for it by cursing very loudly and inventively so as to burn more calories AND stimulate my children's vocabulary). However, I was wrong yesterday when I postulated Plyometrics' Greek meaning. It in fact, literally translated, stand for "What the %*)# was I THINKING?!?!?" You live and you learn. I found myself several times today down on the floor going pondering how exactly I was going to get up and (sorry for a little TMI here, but) how I was going to fasten my bra without being able to reach around behind myself. Let's just say that necessity is the mother of invention and just leave it at that...

So, anyways, there is Day 2 in the books... Only 88 more to g.... oh crap, someone just shoot me now...

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Um. Ouch?

Captain's log. Stardate 28792... Whoops! Wrong entry! I feel that I have reserved the right to be slightly turned around as I just completed my first P90X work out: Chest & Back, followed by Ab Ripper X. I should be okay tomorrow, just as long as I do not have to lift my arms over my head. I am already devising a method of applying deodorant that consists mainly of duct tape on the bathroom counter and a series of back and forth motions over the applicator. I seriously feel that if someone came up to me and tossed me a ball, I would not be able to get my hands up in time to keep it from smacking me in the face. The only reason I can get my hands on this keyboard is because as I was sitting (read: falling desperately) in my chair, they were caught in the momentum of my body and happened to land on the table. Rag doll style. Yeah. That's how I roll... Tomorrow is Plyometrics, which I believe is Greek for "Thank God I have the blinds pulled so the neighbors can't see me and think that I am being attacked by a swarm of bees".

Virgin Blog

Alright. I have joined the 21st century and I thank it for welcoming me with open arms (and not the wedgie and noogie I was expecting). This will most likely serve as a place for me to expound on the antics of my children, rant about social issues that cause the vein in the middle of my forehead to do the samba, and wax philosophically (if I have the right amount of wine, anyways). I am also hoping to use it for the next little while as an accountability tool for my attempt at getting in serious shape. I hope to make it entertaining and something that others besides myself (and my Mom, because moms always have to read the crap their children write) will want to read. Occasionally. So, here goes nothing:

Tonight I begin my insane, ill advised, and positively FRIGHTENING trip into the world of P90X. My husband did the program a couple of years ago and really hated/loved it, but wasn't getting enough rest, so it was difficult to recover. Then about a year ago my best friend, Kate, did it and just had RIDICULOUS results because she was very, very dedicated to it and basically made it her bitch! So, in an effort to get into good enough shape that I might ditch my muu-muu for a bathing suit (oh, and that whole get healthy, live a long life, blah blah blah thing) I shall give this my very best effort. If I am able to type tomorrow, I hope to be able to share my experience, or, at the very least, an entertaining anecdote.